Smiles

Some funny reading to relax by
These were all actually printed in a publication:

 

  1. Include your children when baking cookies!
  2. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  3. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  4. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
  5. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
  6. Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
  7. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
  8. For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
  9. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
  10. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  11. No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
  12. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
  13. 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
  14. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
  15. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
  16. •If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
  17. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena
  18. Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
  19. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
  20. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
  21. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
  22. Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.
  23. We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
  24. For Sale–Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
  25. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
  26. Man, honest. Will take anything.
  27. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
  28. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
  29. Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
  30. Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
  31. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
  32. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
  33. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
  34. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
  35. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
  36. Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
  37. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
  38. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion.
  39. Blue Cross and salary.
  40. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
  41. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
  42. Mother’s helper–peasant working conditions.
  43. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  44. And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
  45. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.